I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
