winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
