speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
