What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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