u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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