i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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