peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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