Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
