cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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