does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
