btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
