That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
