4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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