i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
