i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
