This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
