why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
