I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
