i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
