Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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