Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize