you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
