i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize