also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
