Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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