the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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