You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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