Please, let me fuck your mom
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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