I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
