Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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