Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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