Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
