if i can run in heels then i can drive
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize