Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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