She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
