There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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