you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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