Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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