smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize