I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
