i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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