We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
