after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
