He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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