Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Shame - the story of my life.
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