i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
