well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
