Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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