Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just pynch a tree in the face
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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