Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
