I wanna bring you to show and tell
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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