Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
