Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
