It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
