one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
