I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
