I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
