The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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