these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
