6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
