you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
