I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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