All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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