i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
