is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
