I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
