i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
