I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
