she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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