**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
