it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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