Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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