I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize