the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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