Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
