you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you traded sex for a burrito?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
