you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
